When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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