i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm passing your future prison.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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