Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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