I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
