And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
