how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
