im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
