Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
