ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
