mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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