fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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