Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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