i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
