ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
