I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
