A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
