She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
