is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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