Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
