Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
