Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We need to get me chipped asap
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
