I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
