is your mom at the bar?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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