can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
