We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
