dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
