Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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