what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
