I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
