Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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