last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
