Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
