I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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