she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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