So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
