It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
