Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
