Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
