My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
