I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
