i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
