Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize