im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
