I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
