omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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