I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
