I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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