i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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