oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
