I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
