take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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