No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
