it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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