so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
