I only kidnapped one of them. chill
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
