there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
