Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
