CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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