I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
