I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
