Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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