wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
