I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
